


Spring Day

by minty_galaxy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, slightly angsty, the rest of seventeen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 17:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11994870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minty_galaxy/pseuds/minty_galaxy
Summary: "I'd die tragic, but at least I'd die beautiful"





	Spring Day

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this ages ago for a friend.  
> Posted it now because I'm feeling angsty ;-;
> 
> also cross-posted on my asianfanfic account

Jihoon jolts out of his slumber with a dull ache in his chest and a lingering taste of spring in his mouth. He coughs a few times to will that aching away, except that, when he did, a single petal of blood-stained blue rose force its way out. He bites back the choking sound at the back of his throat, slowly Jihoon stretches out his shaking hands and cradles the petal. Jihoon can’t help but to just stares blankly at it for a moment. He wants to believe that everything is fine, that he didn’t just cough out a flower petal flecks with blood.

But it is not the case.

No.

He just coughed out a petal of blue rose and all of a sudden he is being hyper aware of this whole situation.

The stillness of the night is broken by the sound of his beating heart. He knows what its mean, the petal in his hands, but he doesn’t want to believe it. Because believing it will mean that it is true.

And the truth hurts him more than having to cough out petals after petals. That, he is sure.

 

*

 

Jihoon doesn’t know when it all started.

Maybe it is from the time they spend together as leaders. Or maybe it is because of how they always talked to each other, sharing secrets and concerns, producing songs after songs for the team. Or perhaps it may have started during their trainee days. How they always find solace in each other’s company during the hard time.

However, when it started doesn’t matter at all, because deep down, no matter how hard he denies it, deep down he knows, Jihoon knows, for the longest of time, he had always loved Seungcheol.

All of this time, the affection that he shows and gives had always been an act of love, purely love, not brotherly or friendly, but love, in its truest most purest form. But he is also aware, thus the denial, that it is the kind of love that he had no power over; that it is a helpless love.

Because in all of those time, Seungcheol had set his eyes and heart for one person and one person only. Jeonghan.

That, Jihoon knows when it had started.

 

* * *

 

 

They are getting ready to shoot Seventeen TV as per usual, he is the middle of a conversation with Seungcheol and their baby maknae, Samuel when the trainer chimes in. A boy trails behind her, a tinge of nervousness evident in his face. The trainer noona gives out a few words as to what is going to happen that day, and towards the end, she finally introduces the said boy, Pledis’ new trainee and Seventeen’s possible member.

Jeonghan, as according to her, bows and gives them a shy smile. Jihoon said something to Seungcheol about the newbie but after receiving no response, he diverts his eyes onto the older male. That moment, the way Seungcheol looks at the newbie, that is when he knows it.

That is when Jihoon unconsciously knows, feels, his love ended before it even begins.

They shoot the program as usual after the trainer left and the boys take turn to show Jeonghan around. Seungcheol, being the oldest (later they learn that Jeonghan, Seungcheol and Jisoo are the same age) takes the courtesy of explaining things and making the newbie comfortable.

After that day, his and Seungcheol’s conversation will be filled with that name here and there. Once, out of curiosity, he had asked Seungcheol whether he harbours any feeling towards Jeonghan. He looks shocked for a moment but just casually brush it off and laugh. So Jihoon just laughs along, teasing the older boy, masking his own jumbled up feeling.

But he recognises it right away, they have been friends for so long, after all, the way he smiles whenever Jeonghan did or say something silly, the way he will be all sulky when Jeonghan gets a little too comfortable with the rest of the boys, and the way he gazes at him. The hints Seungcheol subconsciously gives are quite evident, but the one that truly gives it away for Jihoon is the way he looks at him. That longing gaze. And he knows because it is the same gaze he gives to Seungcheol.

So when the older male had come to him one day, after their debut, and finally confesses how he had loved the pretty boy, he wasn’t supposed to be surprised or hurts.

 “I love him, Jihoon-ah. I love him so much it physically hurts, what do I do?”

Jihoon feels his reality shattered to pieces and his chest hurt so much it made breathing feels laboured to him. It is not so long that he started to cough.

“Are you okay? God, did you come up with a fever? See! This is why I told you not to overwork!”

Seungcheol had said worriedly, putting the back of his hand on Jihoon’s forehead, inspecting whether or not the male is down with a fever. Jihoon smiles bitterly, the taste of spring resentfully spread in his mouth. He moves back a bit, creating some distance between them.

“It’s nothing, hyung. Anyway, I think you should just tell him.”

“But don’t you think it’s a bit—what will the boys say? What will he say? If he doesn’t feel the same, he will resent me! I love our friendship too”

Jihoon remembers, he just looked at the older boy solemnly, truly understand how he feels, all the while trying to fight back the sensation in his chest; a mixture of spring and the sharpness of thorns.

“Don’t you think it is better for him to know? Whether or not he accept your feeling or what will happen to your friendship afterwards is a question for another day. If anything, he deserves to know, hyung. So man up and tell him”

He had said, with a pang in his heart. How easy it is for him to utter those words when in reality he is the coward one. He feels suffocated, his chest hurts so much that he feels dizzy, so he ushered Seungcheol out, telling him to go confess and to buy flowers or something before that.

“Okay, okay, sheesh, I’m going. I’m going”

The older said while putting on his coat, walking towards the door.

“I’m serious Jihoon-ah, don’t work too much, I’m gonna get worried if you fall sick,” he said with such a genuine smile. Jihoon feels like dying.

 

* * *

 

 

After all these time, why now? Why a year later?

A lot of thoughts are swimming through his head, trying to find the reason. A reason that he already knew.

_Why are you surprised?_ The voice had said. _You were given a lot of chance, weren’t you? But every time, you just can’t stop thinking about him. Your heart wants what it can’t have._ That, Jihoon is aware of. _This is just the beginning, there are more to come and they are going to hurt more every time._

So there he sits, three in the morning, a single petal of blood-drenched blue rose in his palms, and an empty gaze is thrown to the silence of the night.

 

*

 

It has been months since Jihoon first vomited the flower and days after were filled with him running to the bathroom to get the spring out of his system. His naturally pale complexion served as the best camouflage in helping him hiding his condition to the boys and his position as the vocal team leader, allows him to use the fatigue card every time he is beaten.

All of those may have fools the boys, except for one particular male.

Jeonghan had noticed how unlikely of ‘Woozi’ he had been. He spends way too much time at his studio and more quiet than usual. The pretty male had asked Seungcheol to check on the younger, but every time, Seungcheol would just come home and said the younger is just doing what he usually did. Jeonghan isn't convinced at all.

Which is why, he is on his way to the company, to Jihoon’s studio specifically. He needs to know what is wrong with the younger and help him. You can say he feels responsible as one of the oldest of the group and since Jihoon didn’t say anything to Seungcheol, he figured might as well takes the matter into his own hand.

The sun is almost set when he got there and the temperature had gone down a few degrees. Jeonghan makes his way into the building and straightaway went to find his younger member.

He is about to knock on the door when he hears a coughing fit from inside the room. He gets so worried that he just go in unannounced and almost drop at the sight before him.

Jihoon is coughing out flowers.

Blood drenched flowers.

It didn’t take him that long to finally put all the pieces together. So he hurriedly goes to the younger’s side.

“Jihoon!”

It took Jihoon off guard when he is being greeted by the worried look on the older boy’s face. He feels like he had been caught red-handed doing something wrong. So he just can’t help but look guilt-stricken while Jeonghan is desperately trying to wipe the blood that trickled own his chin and brushes off the petals off of him, all the while rambling on and on about his condition.

Time seems to stop. And he finally understands. He is aware before, indeed he is. But now he understands.

“Hyung,” he said while smiling, holding the older male’s fussing hands, “I’m okay.”

“Like hell you are! Look at these, Jihoon-ah. We—we gotta do something! We—let's go to the hospital! There’s surgery—you will be fine and--” Jeonghan talks with such speed that Jihoon is pretty sure he will choke soon, so he decides to pull him out of his trance.

“Hyung! Really, I’m okay. Don’t worry, please,” he pleads weakly, hands still holding his hyung’s arms.

“Who is it? Who? We can look for that person, we can—” it seems like something finally clicked on Jeonghan’s mind at that moment before he continues, “it is him, isn’t it? It is Seungcheol”

Jihoon can’t help but to look at Jeonghan guiltily and just force a small nod.

“How long--? Let me just let me just talk to him. We will solve this, we--”

“Please. You and I, we both know what this is. And we both know, hyung, all this while, he had set his eyes and heart on you. This feeling, my feeling is just a stupid one sided thing, let me finish, I wouldn’t do that to you, hyung. I love him, true. But hyung, loving doesn’t always mean possessing,” he can see tears forming in Jeonghan’s eyes, he takes a deep breath before continuing, “I’ve loved him enough, hyung, to notice that you’re his happiness, his joy, his light. It will be very selfish of me to ruin that, don’t you think so?”

Jeonghan is full on crying now. He feels so helpless. On one side is his love and the other is his friend, brother. He loves their leader so much but he can’t bear to see Jihoon like this. If it is for the greater good, then why not. As if reading his mind, Jihoon said,

“Hyung, no. I won’t confess and I will never take him from you. And I won’t get that surgery too, no”

“But Jihoon-ah, if you didn’t choose either one you will—I can’t let that happen! You’re my brother, my friend, I won’t let you die, not like this!”

Jihoon smiles at that. He caresses Jeonghan’s tear-stained face.  Truly an angel. They deserve each other.

“You will understand, hyung. I’d rather die with all the good memories with me than living a lifeless life. I'd die tragic, but at least I'd die beautiful. Promise me, take care of him and love him. I’ll look after you from afar. Be happy”

Both males hug each other, crying. One cries because he knows he is about to lose something so valuable in his life in a matter of time. While the other cries out of sheer relief and happiness, the burden being lifted from his heavy heart, making more room for the spring to evade.

 

*

 

The rest of the boys were informed as soon as Jeonghan got back that day. To say they were shocked will be an understatement. Seungcheol cried the most, out of guilt, out helplessness. Jihoon reassured him though, that he must be happy, love Jeonghan as much as he can, live life, and never regret anything.

 

He hugs everyone that day, telling them how it was an honour to be with them all these while, how precious they were to him, and for them to never cry.

 

He lives to the fullest with the time he had left. He wrote so many songs. He laughed a lot. He hurled out a lot of petals too. But it was okay. The bitterness of spring in his mouth got nothing on him anymore, for he was finally liberated from the sheer burden in his heart. It hurts but it was okay. 

 

They knew; he didn’t have to hide.

 

They were happy, he was fine.

 

Everything will fall into its place, eventually.

 

*

 

Jihoon is right. It is tragic, but it is beautiful.

 

Petals after petals of full bloom blue roses, with streaks of red staining the edges, were what they found him in.

 

He just lay there, so still, so serene, as if he got nothing to worry about. He is gone but the memories and love will be buried with him.

 

He is happy.

 


End file.
